P A R O D I E S
by Cyanide Waffle
Summary: Swords clash and swears fly between the two leading guilds of Midgard. Peace between them is impossible...or is it? Parodies is a story about how a complicated friendship blossoms surviving the politics between two rookie members of these guilds.
1. Chapter 1 Unforeseen

* * *

  


**Disclaimer**: I don't own RO. Meh. All characters belong to me, however, and copying/adapting them will be blatant plagiarism (not to mention the fact that I will bite your head off for it. Glad we got that out of the way)

* * *

** P A R O D I E S **

_Chapter 1 - Unforeseen_

Megash Kameren almost lost his balance as he swerved around a bend in the unfamiliar castle. His arn reflexively thrust against the cold stone for balance. He was panting heavily, he had to get there in time. His guild needed backup; they could not last long without someone who could take down the opposition. He had to help the attacking team, if one could call a High Priest and an inexperienced Blacksmith that. He stumbled over the carpeting, and flailed his long arms around and managed to regain his balance yet again, and continued to run helter-skelter towards the heart of the castle; the emperium room. There would be no one to stop him on his way there, the Priest and Blacksmith would have taken care of whoever they met as they stormed the castle. They were a deadly pair, no doubt...but taking down the Lord Knight of the castle alone.  
He had to help. He gasped at the stitch in his side, but continued as fast as he could. He hoped they wouldn't try anything without him...but he knew they couldn't afford to wait long, either. If they did, reinforcements would arrive, and then they would really be in a soup.

They were being attacked from all sides today, and so he was on defensive duty until a while ago, when he helped take down the assassins that had entered the Payon stronghold with his powerful casts. He grinned to himself; he enjoyed it. He loved to feel the mystic power flow through his veins, he loved to see how his Storm Gusts confused and froze his enemies, how his Fire Balls petrified the assassins. It served them right; they dared to attack the great clan...A light chuckle escaped his lips as he remembered the furious Yhorodo drop his kartar and struggled to put out the flames that had engulfed his fair hair. The twisted look of fear on his evil face-

Megash tripped spectacularly, and skidded the length of the corridor before landing painfully against the stone floor. His elbow throbbed with pain, he rubbed it gingerly as he sat up.

"In a hurry, eh, meggy?"

"What the hell..." He muttered under his breath, and jumped to his feet. He held his guard up, and murmured the spell of sight and glared at his opponent materialized before his eyes. Kirse Voirren, his nemesis. She was probably moving around silently, stalking whoever moved past her vantage point. No wonder Joru had disappeared mysteriously from the attacking team, she must have taken him down when the other two were distracted. He smirked at her, not keeping his eyes off her drawn Gakkung, ready to attack at the slightest provocation.

"Sulking around like this...too junior to play with the big boys, huh?" He taunted her. He hated the fact that he let her catch him when his guard was down. No matter, she couldn't do much to hurt him anyway, the rogue. What could a mere...tomboy do to the master of fire and ice? The angry flush that reddened her cheeks made him believe that his guess was true.

"You're just asking me to wipe that smirk off your face, aren't you kid?" Her dark eyes flashed, she held her stance as she steadily moved her bow in an attacking position. Her fingers delicately held the poison tipped arrow. She was angry, but he had fought her enough times to know that she wouldn't be blinded by it.

"Bring it on."

He conjured flames before him as he heard the loud twang of her bow, flames that incinerated her arrows instantly. He grinned, jumping through them, ready to shoot her down with a massive Jupitel Bolt...but faltered for an instant when he saw that she had vanished. He cursed quietly, and set up his sight spell again, waiting for her to come within range. He moved carefully, his wand at the ready. He would freeze her the second she came within his sight; he had to keep her still. She was too dangerous otherwise, she could strike from anywhere. He felt the shadow of movement to his right, and instantly set up a wall of fire where he knew she had been.

"Come out, come out, girly..." A smirk pulled at his lips again as he looked around carefully, his flame-like hair almost vertical. He kept moving, standing still would make him an easy target. "Enough fun and game-" He stopped mid sentence, as he felt cold metal against his throat. "You have a death wish, don't you?" Her voice was near his ear, menacingly low. It was her turn to taunt. "You don't want to do that.." He spoke softly, soothingly. That was a big mistake, since he felt her tense behind him, ready to spring back out of range. He mentally kicked himself for giving her a warning. He twirled around, his arc wand at the ready.

"Frost Driver!" He yelled, having managed to finish the cast the spell just in time to freeze her. Her face was set into a curiously cheeky expression. That wasn't good, he wondered why. He made to move towards her, but felt himself trip over. Pain exploded in his already injured elbow as he crashed on the floor for the third time. He cursed, how did she manage to trick him into walking into a trap? He had lost his wand. He was stuck, and he could see that the curse he had put on her was wearing off. He had to do something, and it had to be done quickly. Twisting around, he tried to wrench the trap apart. A grunt escaped his lips as pain shot through his ankle. Frustration was fast setting in; the trap wouldn't budge. "Burn" He told it, and the spring melted and snapped, freeing him. He staggered upright, holding the wall for balance. His ankle was broken.

"Great" He muttered. He looked around furtively, ready to attack with everything he had. He knew she would take full advantage of his weakness. Where was she hiding now? Where was that sneak...His eyes swept the large room. There was the trap in the corner, he could see droplets of his own blood on it. There were the large ceramic pots, the railing, two entrances that lead to different chambers. Could she have gone through one? No, she would not resist a chance to take him down. Neither of them did for the other. His eyes widened as they fell on her. Unconscious...? He didn't remember doing that. She lay still on the carpet, still as death. He broke into a cold sweat. He didn't want to kill her...she was annoying, she was his rival, but...neither of them had ever aimed to kill. They did injure each other severely sometimes, but it never went this far. She must be feigning. She had to be.

He stumbled towards her crumpled form. "Get up," He ordered loudly,"That won't work on me. Get up." She remained as still as ever. He couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. Her bow lay a few inches away from her on the floor. That was...strange. He never saw her let go of that bow. He dropped to his knees and turned her over, ready if she were to attack, ready if she were to stick her tongue out at him and vanish, ready for any of her childish pranks...but nothing could ready him for what he saw. Her face was pale with an expression of deadly calm. He never saw that before, it scared him. She was always arrogant, she was always smirking or taunting him. Why was she so lifeless? He felt for her pulse. Nothing.

No...I...killed her? No...

His hands trembled. He had never killed another human before. He knew that some of the elders of his guild had been in duels to the death, in which killing was not a choice but the only way of survival. This was uncalled for. He couldn't have killed her. He was surprised to hear a cry of anguish leave his lips. What was he to do? He couldn't leave her here. She may be his enemy, but he couldn't leave her lying like that... like a wasted rag doll. The castle guards. He could hand her...body to one of them, couldn't he? Where were they? He didn't remember seeing any of them. He wondered now why that didn't occur to him as strange earlier; castle guards never left their positions. Megash would have to find them. He stumbled to his feet, Kirse held at his shoulder. She was slight, but he gasped as their combined weight fell on his injured ankle. There was something more, though...something that wasn't right. He couldn't put his finger on it, the pain numbed him.

His legs trembled, he felt a thundering pain in his ears. He had to think straight. Too many things were happening all at once, and he had to make sense of it all. His life depended on it. It took him a moment to realize that the floor was shaking along with him, and the thundering was the sound of crashing stone. A large section of the end of the chamber he was in collapsed. Was this an earthquake? The fort was going to collapse, and he would soon be buried within it. He had no choice now, he hoped that his team was alright. There was little that he could do to help them. He slipped his hand into his pocket, and started murmuring a spell as he felt a powdery wing between his fingers. Beads of sweat slid down his forehead from the effort and the pain. He had to get it right. He only had one chance.

Another section of the chamber started to cave in. The pressure was too much for the pillars to bear, and so they started to fall over like dominoes, destroying the Bergil fort completely. There was a loud crash as a large stone pillar fell where the lanky wizard had twirled around, the limp body of Kirse Voirren held securely against him, and vanished seconds before.

Telapin Fort sighed as she looked down on the two teenagers that lay unconscious in the Sbanhealt infirmary. She was used to Megash coming back, close to death, beaten gruesomely by the powerful opponents that he dueled. That was something unavoidable for him. He was a master of the elements. He was one of Argetvron's main weapons, and often took down opponents that were far more experienced than he was with his powers. He earned every bruise he got. She knew that his rivals respected and envied him as much as they disliked him. It was an unfortunate occupational hazard for the boy, but she was proud about the way he stood up to it. His power never blinded him, although it did bloat his ego occasionally. That was soon taken care of by Kirse.

Telapin had met Kirse on several occasions. She witnessed her skills as she dueled Megash and others of her clan. The girl was of junior status in her own clan, since she was still inexperienced. Telapin knew that the girl was gutsy and incredibly sharp, which was strangely uncommon in a rogue. Most of the rogues that she knew were frustrated with life, too shallow and morose to have any good in them. She could tell that Kirse was different. She sighed again and settled herself down in one of the large armchairs that sat at the corner of the infirmary. She cupped her palms over her eyes and tried to forget her fatigue.

It had been a long day, but the events had miraculously gone in Argetvron's favor. The fort of Bergil was attacked by the creatures that dwelt in its dungeon, and it was a while before the guild that owned it managed to regain control. The emperium remained untouched (Argetvron's attack had to be called off mid way because of the invasion- it was too dangerous a risk), but parts of the castle had collapsed almost completely. The entire west wing was destroyed. It was a miracle that Megash managed to get out, and get Kirse along with him. Telapin wondered what had happened to the girl. Surely Megash would not...no, his ways were different. It was her own people. Why, Telapin could not say. The voice of Haldor, head healer and High Priest of the clan interrupted the scholar's musings.

"Kameren has awoken." His voice was hoarse, tired. They were all tired.

"That will be all, Haldor. Take a rest." She said softly, smiling gently at the young man. "Please send Takadelus, won't you? I must have a word with him."

"Sure, Tel? A word with tetchy old Tak is never fun."

"Its important"

He nodded, and filled his arms with the used bandages and empty medicine bottles on his way out of the room. She heard his shoes clatter against the floor as he headed towards the lounge. It grew fainter, until it could no longer be heard. The only sound left in the room was the crackling of the fire in the hearth, and the silent expectation from Megash.

"I didn't kill her, did I? What happened?" He suddenly said. His words were slightly slurred because of the medication he was under, and his words tumbled out in a rush.

"No, you didn't. You saved her life. She would have surely died if you left her. She was poisoned." Telapin expected the look of bewilderment on his face, and continued,"Yes, poisoned. She was hit by a poison dart. It was one of her own clan that tried to kill her."

She watched him breathe out with an audible 'woosh'. "Damn thieves. Nothing else can be expected of them."

"Kirse is the sister of the Lord, you know. She isn't just a thief." Telapin got up from her seat and moved to sit at the foot of Megash's bed.

"Wha..." He spluttered, an expression of honest bewilderment on his face. A look that Telapin seldom saw on him was now etched into his features. "But...then...she...what. Why was she poisoned then?"

"I'm surprised," Telapin said,"I thought you could see beyond the surface. As for the poisoning, it does not happen often. I have never seen it before, although I have heard of it. Its ceremonial. She was disowned by the royal family, she was exiled from the guild. The sentence is traditionally carried out by a poison dart that causes death, and it would have been if it were not for you."

Megash opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He looked like a tornado was raging inside him. Telapin smiled gently at the young wizard. "Calm down. Are you worried for her?"

"No."

"Of course not." She tried to hide the smile that tugged at the edges of her lips.

"Really. I'm worried about me. My head cracked open, and I was just healed by a man who fancies cross dressing," He insisted, his tone indignant.

"Hey, I resent that." Haldor's annoyed voice floated into the room, and it was soon followd by its owner, Takadelus by his side. The two men were tall and slim, but that was where the resemblences ended. Haldor had a cheery face, and a mop of messy brown hair. Takadelus was calm, quiet, and generally reticent. His clear blue eyes were piercing, and his long fair hair was pulled back and tied in a ponytail. He was armed, as always. The heavy Ballista hung on his shoulder, along with his quiver.

"You called?" Takadelus' voice was slow, steady.

"Yes." Telapin readied herself for the storm. She expected opposition, but she was adamant on her decision and knew it was for the best. Everyone would see through her eyes, eventually. Still, Takadelus the Sniper was her second in command, and so she would have to know what he thought of the matter. Her tired hazel eyes fell on Kirse. She looked like she was in a deep, peaceful sleep. There was something about the awkwardness of her position that made Telapin think that it was something the girl was not used to. She sighed again.

"Tak...I have decided to recruit Kirse Voirren into Argetvron. That is, if she wishes to join us, of course." Her tone was steady. It was the stated decision of a leader.

Takadelus nodded, his expression blank. "Yes." He said simply.

Telapin's eyes swept over Haldor, who wore an expression of polite delight, to Megash, who looked like another pillar had fallen over him, and Takadelus, who nodded with the faintest hint of a smile. For the first time that night, Telapin broke out into a wide grin. Maybe things would turn out all right after all.

* * *

**Author's Notes**: FINALLY uploaded the darn thing Hope you like it! If you comment/criticize constructively, I'll give you some free Cyanide Waffles :P

Oh, and excuse the vagueness when it comes to information regarding the politics of the situation. I'll be revealing things as the story goes along. Since its a pretty long story, I don't want to dump too much information into the first chapter.

c y a n i d e .waffle

* * *


	2. Chapter 2 Into the eye of the Storm

Chapter 2 -

Kirse woke up the next morning, dazzled by the light that flooded her room. Wait...this wasn't her room. It was lavender, for crying out loud. Her eyes swept across the wide windows. The sky was bright blue and clear today, and she could just see the top of what looked like an oak tree outside the window. She seemed to be a storey or two above the ground. Light white curtains blew across the open window. The wind grazed her face, bringing with it the sweet scent of spring. She tucked a lock of her unruly black hair behind her ears, and noticed that she was clad in pyjamas. Blue polka dots. She was still groggy, and vaguely wondered which imbecile would put someone like her in polka dotted pyjamas. Her eyes fell on the young flame haired man in front of her. He was staring at her, a staunch expression on his face.

"Well?" He inquired.

"Imbecile..." She groaned, stetching. Fatigue overcame her again, and she could have sworn she heard the man yell something like "Not again!" before she was carried off by the sweet scents and warmth. It was too comfortable to resist. She could have sworn she knew that boy. He seemed so familiar. She didn't ponder for too long, and was soon settled down for another happy snoring session on her soft pillow. Well, not quite her pillow. Not quite her room. Not quite her life. It took a second or so to register. The boy. Megash Kameren. Kameren. Arch nemisis. Blue polka dotted pyjamas.

She screamed.

"Shut the hell up, what are you yelling for?" He yelled, over her shrieking.

"Y-You!," She spluttered,"What are you doing, Kameren? You think you can attack me when I'm...I...I..."

"Please do go on." He muttered dryly.

"Damn you." Where was she? What was she doing here? How the hell did she get here? Why was this dork sitting at her bedside? Why the hell was she wearing polka dotted pyjamas in an alien room that looked like it belonged to a 9 year old girl? Where was her brother, her guild? Then she remembered. She closed her eyes and bowed her head, so that her bangs covered her eyes. She remembered the orders. The loud arguments. Her refusal...her desperate attempt at escape. That was when she had bumped into Kameren.

He rolled his eyes at her. She twitched. "You asked for it." She groped for her trusty damascus, concealedin her boots. No trusty damascus. No boots. She let out another yell of frustration at his smirking face. "I can still punch you, you pathetic little twit. Coming here to mock me when I'm unarmed, you're pathetic."

She saw his expression soften, and that unnerved her more than anything else. The creep was...sympathetic? She didn't need sympathy. She needed her rival back, she needed the taunting and the dry remarks that they constantly threw at each other. She needed something that she could make sense of, something that told her that she was still on the same planet.

"How are you feeling now?" He asked.

"Fine." And the conversation was effectively killed.

"I didn't chose to sit here, you know," He grumbled after a while, more to himself than to her,"Tel told me to me make sure you don't roll over and die accidently. Why she would bother, I don't know. She wants to talk with you...she'll be here soon."

"Telapin Fort?" She was confused now. What would the guild mistress of Argetvron have to do with her?

"How many other Telapin do you know?"

She fell silent, and sat up. She shivered slightly, even though it wasn't cold at all. It felt like something was trying to clutch onto her, trying to chain her down. She couldn't bear the thought...not again. Not when she felt free for the first time in years, even though she was probably held prisoner in a room with the man who would kill her in an instant if he could. He would...he definitely would. Wouldn't he? He was her rival. She found it difficult to convince even herself of that. Megash was still looking at her. Her dark eyes met the his, and they both sat staring at each other for a long moment.

"I'm hungry." She stated.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, runt. I said I'm hungry. You're supposed to attend to me. Go get me food."

He scowled. She grinned at him cheekily as he started yelling.

"Wait just a goddamned minute now, woman, I am not your servant!"

The door banged open as a cheerful voice floated through. "Stop yelling at my patients, Meg. You're a lame excuse for an asistant. I herby banish you." Haldor the High Priest waved his arm airily through the air as he entered, as if to emphasise his point. Kirse sniggered. She could tell that she would get along just fine with this guy. She had'nt met him personally before, but she had seen him often during combined hunts, and even more often; guild seiges. Rumours of his skills and power had spread far.

"How are you doing then, darling?" He uncerimonously parked himself with a bounce at the foot of her bed, shoving Meg off. The wizard sulkily muttered and walked off to stare out of the window, his back turned to the pair of them. He stood still as stone, and she wondered if he was in one of his strange wizard moods, or if he was listening. "I'm...fine? Why, was something supposed to have happened to me?" She inquired innocently. Like hell there was, and she knew it. She was still alive. She couldn't belive they would poison her. How could they? She had trusted them...

"Neat." He hummed cheerily while she squirmed akwardly, wondering what she was supposed to do. "Oh, sorry." He said after a moment, noticing her discomfort. "Right. Tel is away, so is Takadelus. So she asked me to pass on the message. Well...I don't know if you know. Nevermind how we know, but I'm pretty sure that everyone should know by now that...you've been exiled. I don't know why, but I think Telapin does. She doesn't want me to know, at any rate, as far as I can see. It seems to be private. Its alright, I know. Stuff like that happens, you know? So, anyway, you're pretty homeless at the mo'. So how would you like to join our merry lil' troupe?" He said it all so matter-of-factly, that she was caught off her guard.

"Uh..."

"Well?" He grinned at her, friendly expectation on his face. She heard a soft grumble come from the general direction of the window.

"I..I suppose that would be nice." Her face darkened over. She had sealed her future with those words. She shuddered inwardly; this was new to her. She had taken few choices, and this was one that would change the course of her life.

"Neat!" Haldor exclaimed again. He dumped her rogue's garb onto the bed, and dragged a disgruntled Megash out of the room, still jabbering on happily. "Change and meet us downstairs, o-kay? I'll introduce you to the rest of the guild. Come on meggy ("Hey! don't shove me-"), you don't want to stay here when our lil lady is getting herself ready. Or maybe you do-" He laughed and dodged a punch from Kameren. "Just messing with ya kid, cool it..."

The duo exited the room, slamming the door behind them. Their loud bantering was audible for a long while before it faded away. Soon, only the rustle of the leaves and the slight wind could be heard.

"Better see what your new guild is like, lil lady." She whispered to herself, as she picked up her clothes and began to change.

Around an hour later, Kirse was wandering around the castle, thoroughly lost. Didn't Haldor give her directions? She thought he did. Or maybe he didn't, she wasn't too sure. She didn't remember them, either way. She wasn't too sure of anything anymore. She had given up on trying to hold on to her sanity around thirty seconds after she dared venture out of her room. After almost being trampled by a herd of lose pecopecos, tripping over a giant ballista and wandering aimlessly for nearly half an hour, the rogue started to wonder how these people survived in his madhouse.

That was when she decided to try random doors. She would eventually run into someone, she figured, that could point her towards the common room. The first room she tried seemed to be someone's bedroom, and she mentally reminded herself to never cross them. The place was full of a wide variety of very creative torture equipment (ranging from thumbscrews to a full blown guillotine). The next room was full of empty potion bottles, quills, books and smelt strongly of apple cider. The next room was locked. She sighed, and wondered if she should just set of an explosion or start yelling her head off and wait for someone to show up.

She noticed the next door emit a soft blue glow. Magic. She hurried forward eagerly; someone had to be in there. Perhaps she should have been more wary towards the subtle cackling of electricity around the doorknob, or the obviously ominous low thundering noises on the other side of the door, but she didn't. No, she was too ditzy with sleep and the throbbing pain that was probably the hangover you got after being poked with a poisoned blade...

The second her fingers touched the door, the blue light engulfed her completly.

* * *

**Author's Note:** evil cliff hanger Bwuahhahahahahahaha

ahahawhwhahuhahahaha..

Review please x3

* * *


End file.
